Hello All! Okay, so I inspiration to restart this blog, and this time, I'm gonna keep it up. Anyway, so the last time I posted, it was around late May, a few days after my 18th birthday. Now it's October. I know you must be like, "Did you die?!" No....well...you can say that my former spoiled self has died and now I'm in the new flesh. Sorry, I watched Videodrome last night. Creepy. It's now October, I'm in college, and have officially been pushed into adulthood. So, let me back up to late May so you can really see where I'm going with all this.
So I'm guessing (b/c I forgot) that I called my Aunt yet again to talk to her, and I got my father, and after heavy thinking, I invited him to graduation. Him and my aunt came, I graduated, and it was all hugs and pats on the back, with that touch of ever-so-present awkwardness mixed in as always. A few weeks later, we were facing eviction, and my mother suggested that I go and stay with them for a few weeks.....which turned into a few years to go to Pitt Community College there. I agreed. So we packed up and I left to go. From the minute my mom and Torri (my stepfather) left and I sat on the bed in my "room", I had that uneasy feeling and that really anxious feeling. I was a little excited for what was going to come. I was dead wrong. Needless to say, I hated staying there, and for remaining integrity for the idiot players involved, I am not lingering on this subject. Bottom line: I was supposed to stay for 2 years. I left within a month. I was supposed to get GBS. I am no longer. I am doing this all myself, b/c listen to me. I can do this. I worked hard and had to many nights crying myself to sleep to build up the strength within myself to believe that I can lose this weight without surgery. And you know what? I went to the doctor and I lost 11 pounds. Okay, let me back up again. When I did come back to Raleigh, we had no car. This obviously posed a big problem for all six of us. So, my aunt (my mother's sister) offered to take me to school until we get a car. Evidently, it was really expensive to drive me back and forth (not getting into that), so what my aunt did was....introduce me to the Bus System. I, and the rest of the family, were mortified at first, and this was coming a few days after my doctor told me that I have to wear a brace around my ankle to realign my knee after a fall I suffered at my high school just 5 months earlier. So as of September 21st, I started my 1 mile journey every morning to the 301 bus stop to Moore Square, then on the 40e to Wake Tech, and back again. 2 miles everyday. Admittedly, I hated my aunt for the first two weeks, but now....soon, I'm going to have to swallow my hard to digest pride and thank her. I lost weight, and I lost inches. AND my knee is getting better. I fell yesterday afternoon in the middle street, and now my OTHER knee hurts. I'm just praying that I'm sore. So, this is my routine every day. 2 miles Monday to Friday. Fighting with my mother to let me rest during the weekend, even though she wants me to get on the treadmill for 15 minutes. I hate that thing. No, I don't, I hate that I have to work myself. Well, it's all a part of this annoying thing called life and adulthood.
That's the update. In case you have ADD, like I do, here's the main bullet points:
I'm not getting Gastric Bypass Surgery
I'm losing the weight myself
I'm in college
I walk 2 miles a day
I'm steadily losing inches and weight
I'm on my way to being happy.
This is what I have eaten so far:
A Turkey and Swiss sandwich
A Cinnamon Raisin bagel with Whipped Cream Chesse (couldn't resist)
I have like loads of water which I plan to drink like I don't have an ounce of sense until I get home around 5:00 or so.
Also what I have to help me is music. I love music to no end. So everyday that I post, I will tell you what is my "Song That Got Me Going". It's not always going to be inspirational songs, mainly b/c I am R&B girl, so really, you are liable to hear anything. Well, seeanything. I don't the html skills to actually put the song on each post.
My "Song That Got Me Going" for today is "In The Air Tonight" by Phil Collins.
Come on, Classic. That drum solo.....magical. Love it!
I hope that you all will follow my journey, and encourage me along the way.
=)
Can She Do It On Her Own?
I Know She Can.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Thursday, May 28, 2009
What Does My Father Have To Do With This?
Believe me, I'm just as confused as you are. Well, let me tell you why I ask this question that I would never think would come up.
Last night, I saw on Facebook that my sister, Angela, had this "different" picture on their, so I went on to see her album from her visit to Miami Beach
(She has time to go to Miami Beach, but not to come and see her sister??)
Anyway, well, my mother and I were looking at my incredibly fashionable sister and how she managed to get a tattoo of an "A" on her shoulder....wow. So let me back up a minute, or rather a day. On the 26th, it was my 18th birthday....yes, I know. You forgot. bwahhahahah!! Just playing. Anyway, but I decide to call my aunt down in the country to see how she was doing and to tell her about my birthday and upcoming graduation. I talked to her and I told her everything, 18th birthday, graduation, surgery. She really loved the idea that I'm getting the surgery, I had forgotten that she had gotten the lap band a week before I went down there for the terrible week. So the fact that I am getting that surgery, is amazing to her. I wanted to talk to my father, but she got off the phone quickly, which doesn't happen unless she's busy.
Okay, back to original story! So I called the house, and he answered, so I'm like, Hey Daddy! You know me, being retarded and all. So he starts talking to me and then surgery comes up. He's getting ankle surgery soon and there is something wrong with his heart. Honestly, not a surprise, I guess that's why my reaction was so small. Then he preceeded to tell me that he just finished his first four months of his trial for HIS gastric-bypass........whoa.
I'm getting surgery too! Who woulda thunk??
The reason why I bring this up: Hell, I'm not even sure my own self. All I know is that it is quite interesting to have a father and daughter having the same surgery.
Think on that, and get back to me :)
Last night, I saw on Facebook that my sister, Angela, had this "different" picture on their, so I went on to see her album from her visit to Miami Beach
(She has time to go to Miami Beach, but not to come and see her sister??)
Anyway, well, my mother and I were looking at my incredibly fashionable sister and how she managed to get a tattoo of an "A" on her shoulder....wow. So let me back up a minute, or rather a day. On the 26th, it was my 18th birthday....yes, I know. You forgot. bwahhahahah!! Just playing. Anyway, but I decide to call my aunt down in the country to see how she was doing and to tell her about my birthday and upcoming graduation. I talked to her and I told her everything, 18th birthday, graduation, surgery. She really loved the idea that I'm getting the surgery, I had forgotten that she had gotten the lap band a week before I went down there for the terrible week. So the fact that I am getting that surgery, is amazing to her. I wanted to talk to my father, but she got off the phone quickly, which doesn't happen unless she's busy.
Okay, back to original story! So I called the house, and he answered, so I'm like, Hey Daddy! You know me, being retarded and all. So he starts talking to me and then surgery comes up. He's getting ankle surgery soon and there is something wrong with his heart. Honestly, not a surprise, I guess that's why my reaction was so small. Then he preceeded to tell me that he just finished his first four months of his trial for HIS gastric-bypass........whoa.
I'm getting surgery too! Who woulda thunk??
The reason why I bring this up: Hell, I'm not even sure my own self. All I know is that it is quite interesting to have a father and daughter having the same surgery.
Think on that, and get back to me :)
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
The Seminar at Duke
Hey guys!
So yesterday, my mom and I went up to Duke Medical Center to go to the seminar if you are interested/going to have weight-loss surgery. What is so funny about this is that it was told to us that it was going to last from 3-5. We only have one car right now, and we all had to haul ass to get to Durham before 3. So we barely made it, and we got to the front desk and the receptionist tells us that it was a typo and it was actually from 4-6! OH EM GEE! I was starving, and we could have gotten something to snack on instead of raising our blood pressure to get there. We went inside of the room and we weren't the only ones that were told the wrong time. There were roughly about 10 other people there waiting and reading the packet that was offered at the front and the bottle of water. What was such a sure indication that this was a place of morbidly obese people, were the chairs. Oh my goodness, the chairs was so wide. I mean, I wasn’t complaining about it. It was really comfortable to sit in for an hour. My mom and I went over the packet that they provided us to read. You know, they have to tell you EVERYTHING to avoid a crazy huge lawsuit that could potentially kill them. The packet essentially said that there are two options for weight-loss surgery: Laposocially (or however it’s spelled) and Gastrically (there’s another name for it, but I forgot it) They said that if you get the first option, it’s easier and it’s like if you are 100-150 pounds overweight, you should get it. If you are like 200 pounds overweight (like me) you should get a gastric bypass. I figured as much that I was going to end up getting the gastric way. But who knows, it might change later. Once it got nearer to 4:00, more people came in. My mother was talking to a woman for like half an hour. She’s always like that, such a social butterfly, she is. So finally the doctor came in and started to show the PowerPoint slide explaining everything that was in the packet. I didn’t have any question, b/c everything had been answered. Mom asked if you had to be monitored according to your insurance provider (Medicaid) and the doctor said that other than Blue Cross/Blue Shield of North Carolina; most insurance providers will require you to go through a six-month monitoring phase where you would have a psychiatrist, nutritionist, and other good things. I silently cursed it, b/c I just wanted to have the surgery now, and I know that’s not it’s going to happen. Deep down, I’m glad because I really don’t know how to be healthy and I need to learn. When I get the surgery and come out and still eat the way that I do, then it will kill me. Oh no, I’m not having that. So, I’m just going to do the six-month period and it will fly by so fast! By the time I will look up, I’ll be in the office for the determining meeting. That’s when your doctor, your surgeon, and your psychiatrist sit down and plan out the day when your surgery takes place. The doctor said that the patients that she had that meeting with today will get their surgery around July and August. That’s awesome, b/c then it will only take a month to get myself prepared! At earliest, it will happen in December or January, and at the latest it will be in February-March. We got the application as we were leaving the center and this weekend mom and I will fill it out.
Step one is now complete.
So yesterday, my mom and I went up to Duke Medical Center to go to the seminar if you are interested/going to have weight-loss surgery. What is so funny about this is that it was told to us that it was going to last from 3-5. We only have one car right now, and we all had to haul ass to get to Durham before 3. So we barely made it, and we got to the front desk and the receptionist tells us that it was a typo and it was actually from 4-6! OH EM GEE! I was starving, and we could have gotten something to snack on instead of raising our blood pressure to get there. We went inside of the room and we weren't the only ones that were told the wrong time. There were roughly about 10 other people there waiting and reading the packet that was offered at the front and the bottle of water. What was such a sure indication that this was a place of morbidly obese people, were the chairs. Oh my goodness, the chairs was so wide. I mean, I wasn’t complaining about it. It was really comfortable to sit in for an hour. My mom and I went over the packet that they provided us to read. You know, they have to tell you EVERYTHING to avoid a crazy huge lawsuit that could potentially kill them. The packet essentially said that there are two options for weight-loss surgery: Laposocially (or however it’s spelled) and Gastrically (there’s another name for it, but I forgot it) They said that if you get the first option, it’s easier and it’s like if you are 100-150 pounds overweight, you should get it. If you are like 200 pounds overweight (like me) you should get a gastric bypass. I figured as much that I was going to end up getting the gastric way. But who knows, it might change later. Once it got nearer to 4:00, more people came in. My mother was talking to a woman for like half an hour. She’s always like that, such a social butterfly, she is. So finally the doctor came in and started to show the PowerPoint slide explaining everything that was in the packet. I didn’t have any question, b/c everything had been answered. Mom asked if you had to be monitored according to your insurance provider (Medicaid) and the doctor said that other than Blue Cross/Blue Shield of North Carolina; most insurance providers will require you to go through a six-month monitoring phase where you would have a psychiatrist, nutritionist, and other good things. I silently cursed it, b/c I just wanted to have the surgery now, and I know that’s not it’s going to happen. Deep down, I’m glad because I really don’t know how to be healthy and I need to learn. When I get the surgery and come out and still eat the way that I do, then it will kill me. Oh no, I’m not having that. So, I’m just going to do the six-month period and it will fly by so fast! By the time I will look up, I’ll be in the office for the determining meeting. That’s when your doctor, your surgeon, and your psychiatrist sit down and plan out the day when your surgery takes place. The doctor said that the patients that she had that meeting with today will get their surgery around July and August. That’s awesome, b/c then it will only take a month to get myself prepared! At earliest, it will happen in December or January, and at the latest it will be in February-March. We got the application as we were leaving the center and this weekend mom and I will fill it out.
Step one is now complete.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
First Consultation
Hey all!
So today, I was supposed to go to Duke Medical Center to have seminar consultation for the gastric bypass surgery that I am supposed to have. I really don't know how to feel about it honestly. I really want to lose weight so I can be liked better, but I don't want to risk myself for surgery. I have seen many success stories, but then I heard of some that were not so lucky. I mean, to have surgery at age 18 for morbid obesity.....that's bad. The one thing that is weighing over me in favor of the surgery is the chance to live. I don't think that people really know how hard it is for obese people to live and function in society properly, especially with this size 2 world. Like I was watching the Devil Wears Prada and thinking to myself that Miranda would never hire me b/c I was big. Big isn't fashionable. I agree, it's not. It's really the confidence that matters in the long run. If a girl that has a perfect body has low confidence, she can think that she is fat. And well, you know, look at me. I have to be as confident as Mo'Nique to be okay and I know in my heart that she has some issues. Well, like my Conversations in Diversity teacher told us was that you trade one problem in for another.
I wonder if being ridiculed and excluded is a problem I would trade for being happy for a change
So today, I was supposed to go to Duke Medical Center to have seminar consultation for the gastric bypass surgery that I am supposed to have. I really don't know how to feel about it honestly. I really want to lose weight so I can be liked better, but I don't want to risk myself for surgery. I have seen many success stories, but then I heard of some that were not so lucky. I mean, to have surgery at age 18 for morbid obesity.....that's bad. The one thing that is weighing over me in favor of the surgery is the chance to live. I don't think that people really know how hard it is for obese people to live and function in society properly, especially with this size 2 world. Like I was watching the Devil Wears Prada and thinking to myself that Miranda would never hire me b/c I was big. Big isn't fashionable. I agree, it's not. It's really the confidence that matters in the long run. If a girl that has a perfect body has low confidence, she can think that she is fat. And well, you know, look at me. I have to be as confident as Mo'Nique to be okay and I know in my heart that she has some issues. Well, like my Conversations in Diversity teacher told us was that you trade one problem in for another.
I wonder if being ridiculed and excluded is a problem I would trade for being happy for a change
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